5.Crying5.哭泣Crying seems like an ordinary enough experience and something we dont really think of as strange. Yet if we really stop to contemplate whats happening—salt water dripping out of our eyes during emotional moments—it seems a little bizarre. What do tears, eyes, and emotions have to do with each other?哭泣似乎是一件相當普通的事，我們真的不覺得這會是奇怪的行為。不過讓我們停下來仔細想想——情緒激動的時候就會流淚，這似乎就有點兒奇怪了。那么，眼淚、眼睛以及情緒之間究竟有著怎樣的聯系呢？

One of the prevailing theories to explain human crying is put forth by Dutch psychologist Ad Vingerhoets. He argues that crying is largely a social sign that has its evolutionary roots in distress signals. Most young animals emit some type of distress sound to alert others that they need help. Its thought that crying started as a way for humans to signify their distress (through tears) without making a predator-alerting scream or other noise. Although human babies usually have audible cries, adults often shed tears with little noise. Evolutionarily, this could have been an advantageous response, since another member of the tribe would only need to glance at the crier to see he was in trouble. Interestingly, humans are the only species to emit emotional tears. Most other animals stop making distress calls after reaching adulthood.Further evidence that crying may have originated as a response to danger or trouble is that it also works in conjunction with our sympathetic nervous system (or the fight or flight system). For example, in addition to shedding tears, crying speeds up the heart rate, increases sweating, and slows breathing. Emotional tears even contain a natural painkiller, leucine enkephalin, which could partially explain why we sometimes feel better after a good cry.So, although we can nowadays cry when alone or during harmless, sappy movies, the act may have started as a method of protection.目前較為普遍的理論是荷蘭心理學家艾德·威格爾茲提出的關于哭泣的解釋。他認為哭泣是從求救信號進化而成的社交信號。大多數幼小的動物都會在需要幫助的時候發出某種求救的聲音。而對于人類來說，哭泣最開始只是一種表達痛苦的方式，只是流淚，而非尖叫或發出其他巨大聲響。雖然人類在嬰兒時期都是大聲啼哭，但成年后反而只是低聲抽泣了。從進化論的角度來看，這樣的反應其實更具優勢（因為艾德·威格爾茲認為，大多數動物成長后，將不再需要釋放悲痛的信號，這可能是因為怕引來更大的危險。而比起發出巨大聲響來說，哭泣反而沒有那么危險）。對于親近的人來說，一滴眼淚足以讓他們知道你處于痛苦中。有趣的是，只有人類會因情緒上的原因流淚，也只有人類成年后還會流淚，其他大多數動物成年后就不再發出呼救信號了。進一步的證據表明哭泣可能是源于對危險和困難的反應，并且它還與我們的交感神經系統相關。比方說除了流淚之外，哭泣還會使心率加速、出汗增加以及呼吸減緩。情緒激動時的流淚甚至可以說是亮氨酸腦啡肽——一味天然的止痛藥，這就是為什么有時候我們在哭過后反而感覺更好。這樣看來，雖然我們是因為孤獨或是看了悲情的電影感到難過而哭泣，但這同樣也是一種自我保護的方式。

4.Twitch When Falling Asleep4.熟睡的時候抽搐

As much as 70 percent of people twitch or have an involuntary jerk, or hypnagogic jerk, when falling asleep. Other than amusing awake onlookers, it seems there must be an explanation for a behavior thats apparently so common. Unfortunately, scientists arent entirely sure why we have the spasms, but of course, there are some educated hypotheses.高達70%的人入睡時都會不由自主的抽搐或者痙攣。除了娛樂清醒的旁觀者外，似乎一定有一個原因來解釋為何這一癥狀出現得如此頻繁。不幸的是，現在科學家們尚不能完全確定我們肌肉痙攣的原因。但當然，他們也有一些科學的猜測。Some scientists believe its nothing more than an accidental reaction that happens when our nerves misfire while transitioning from alertness to sleep. This is because our bodies dont have a definitive on/off switch, where on is awake and off is asleep. Instead we gradually transition between the state where our reticular activating system (which governs basic physiological processes) is in full force and when the ventrolateral system (which drives sleepiness and influences sleep cycles) is in charge. We can be in the middle of the two states, such as when feeling sleepy, and there can be a bit of a struggle as we firmly position ourselves into one state or another. This back-and-forth struggle is thought to cause the misfiring, and the twitches are the last fights of wakefulness.In contrast, others believe its an evolutionary response left over from our tree-dwelling days, and the jerks are a primate reflex that keeps us from getting too relaxed and falling from branches. Other types of spasms while sleeping arent quite the same as a hypnagogic jerk. Dreaming of falling, for instance, and then jerking oneself awake is more of an example of dream incorporation where the brain intermixes real life and the dream state.一些科學家認為痙攣只不過是我們的身體在由清醒到熟睡的過渡中，神經元失敗地傳達睡覺信息時做出的偶然反應。這是因為我們的身體并沒有一個明確的開關來控制我們是否清醒還是熟睡。相反，在逐漸完成在網狀激活系統(控制基本生理過程)充分發揮作用時和腹外側的系統(驅動嗜睡和影響睡眠周期)全權負責時的過渡，并且從一種狀態轉換到另一種狀態的過程中，我們的思維一定是掙扎的。而這種反復的掙扎恰好被認為是神經元失敗傳達信息的原因，抽搐也被當做是覺醒前最后的掙扎。相反，另一些科學家認為抽搐是我們從靈長動物時期遺留下的進化反應，并覺得痙攣是靈長動物的反射，這可以避免讓它們因為太放松而從樹上跌落。我們熟睡時的肌肉痙攣與入睡抽動并不是完全一樣。比如，夢見自己往下跌落時，因抽搐而從夢中醒來則是我們的大腦混淆了夢與現實最好例子。

3.Gossiping3.八卦

Women usually get pegged as the biggest gossips out of the two sexes, but men are guilty of this social offense as well. At least one study says men gossip 32 percent more than women per day. No matter which sex has the biggest blabbermouths, hurtful gossip can come back to bite us, yet it seems we cant help ourselves when it comes to dishing a little dirt.女性通常是被認為兩性之間最愛八卦的人，但男性同樣需要對這種社會冒犯承擔責任。至少有一項調查的結果顯示，男性每天比女性多八卦32%。不管哪種性別的人最擅長于嚼舌根，但這些傷人的八卦總能使人傷心。而且，這些八卦對我們自己來說也沒有任何益處。The reason for this is that most of us have an inherent desire to bond with those immediately around us—an urge that can overpower any moral obligations we might feel to mind our own business. We want to form social connections to people in our vicinity, and gossiping not only gives us something to talk about, it immediately creates a sense of trust, since the act of gossiping signals that were letting the other person in our confidence. In turn, the other person shares secrets, and a rapport is established. As we all know, it also gives us a feeling of superiority, is good for a laugh, and spices up boring situations. Curiously, gossiping about peoples successes (if there is such a thing) doesnt have the same effect. Studies show that connecting over shared dislikes creates stronger bonds than discussing shared positives.Although gossiping means were throwing someone else under the bus for the sake of an immediate relationship or gratification, it might not be an entirely bad thing. Anthropologist Robin Dunbar says that gossip partly drove the evolutionary development of our brains. He argues that language first developed out of our desire to share gossip, and it enables us to talk about those who arent present while indirectly teaching others how to properly relate to the group.About 60 percent of conversations between adults are about someone whos not present. Thus, theres no need to be paranoid that your friends are talking about you when youre not around, as its almost certainly a fact.八卦源于我們大多數人都有與周圍的人建立聯系的內在渴望——一種迫使我們去在意有關的自身道德義務的沖動。我們都希望與身邊人建立起良好的社會關系，閑聊不僅能給我們的談話帶來一定的談資，它還能立即創造一種信任感。八卦一旦開始，這就意味著我們之間存在相互的信任。奇怪的是，八卦別人的成功（如果那個人的確成功的話）卻沒有同樣的影響。研究表明，共同討論不喜歡的事物比討論喜歡的事物更容易增進人與人之間的關系。雖然八卦意味著為了促進關系和暫時的快樂而對某個人落井下石，但它也不完全是一件壞事。人類學家羅賓·鄧巴表示，八卦對我們大腦的進化發展起到了一定的促進作用。他提出語言最開始的發展源于人類分享八卦的渴望，這種渴望使我們去八卦那些不在場的人。大約60%的成年人之間的對話是關于某人不在場的八卦。因此，沒有必要偏執的認為你的朋友趁你不在的時候瘋狂的八卦你，這幾乎是一個肯定的事實了。

2.Liking Sad Movies2.喜歡悲情電影

Enough grief, misfortune, and other nonsense happens to us on a daily basis that it seems ridiculous that we would want to spend our entertainment hours subjecting ourselves to more sadness. Despite this, we still regularly find ourselves sitting down to watch a guaranteed tearjerker. While it may seem counterintuitive, one reason for this is that watching tragedies actually makes us feel happier in the short term and therefore boosts our enjoyment of the movie. Researchers at Ohio State University found that watching sad movies causes people to think about their own close relationships, which makes them feel appreciative and satisfied with their lives. Seeing tragedies on the screen causes folks to examine their own lives and count their blessings. However, the researchers point out that this reaction is not the same as those who watch a tragic movie and think something along the lines of, Sheesh, at least I dont have it as bad as that guy. Those viewers have selfish thinking, are more focused on themselves instead of others, and dont experience any boost in happiness after watching the film.在日常生活中，悲傷、失意或一些無厘頭的煩心事時有發生，如果在閑暇之余還要尋求更多傷感就顯得有些可笑了。但人們還是會經常坐下來去看一些保證催人淚下的影視作品。雖然這看起來有點違反直覺，但看悲情電影會使人得到暫時的放松從而更多的去關注電影的劇情。俄亥俄州立大學的研究人員發現，看悲情電影會引人深省，感恩生活，知足常樂。銀屏里上演的悲劇讓人們評估自己的生活狀況，細數人生際遇。然而，研究人員又指出，這種反應并不適用于那些思想狹隘的觀眾，這些人在看到悲慘劇情時總想著：切，反正我又不會那么倒霉。他們總以自我為中心，只關注自己不關心他人，所以看電影對他們來說也不會起到任何怡情作用。Also, according to Dr. Paul Zak, seeing movies or hearing stories about others causes us to feel empathy and prompts our brains to release oxytocin, which increases our feelings of caring. Zak even refers to oxytocin as the moral molecule because of how it makes us more trustworthy, generous, and compassionate. Right after a sad movie and the ensuing rush of oxytocin, we feel more connected to the people around us and overall more satisfied—even if we are shedding some tears. This feeling keeps us coming back for even more depressing flicks.同時，保羅·塞克博士研究發現，看電影或是聽他人的故事會對人起到移情作用，并會促使人體釋放催產素。他還提出催產素作為道德分子，可以提升人的信任感、慷慨度以及同情心。看完悲情電影釋放荷爾蒙之后，人們會感覺與身邊人的關系更近了，自身整體上更滿足了——即使流了一些眼淚。這種感覺也會促使人們看更多的悲情電影。

1.Thinking Silence Is Awkward1.把沉默當做尷尬

Regardless of whether there is anything of value to say, many of us feel a burning desire to fill every silent moment with some type of conversation. Whats so bad about just sitting quietly with someone, and why does prolonged silence make us feel so awkward?大多數人都會急切地用各種話題來填補每一個沉默瞬間，不管這個話題有沒有談論的價值。和某人安靜的坐在一起一言不發到底有什么不好呢？為什么長時間保持沉默會讓人感到尷尬呢？Like many of our behaviors, it all comes down to our primal desire to belong and fit in with the group. According to psychologist Namkje Koudenburg, when the dance of conversation doesnt follow the traditional ebb and flow, we start to worry that something might not be right. We may wonder if were uninteresting or not relevant, which makes us worry about our position in the group. On the other hand, when the dialogue is bouncing back and forth as expected, we feel socially validated.That said, not all cultures experience awkward silence in the same ways as Americans and others. For example, in Japan, a long pause can be a sign of respect, especially when considering a serious question. Cross-culture businesspeople are even trained on this etiquette, so they dont assume a silent Japanese colleague is unsatisfied with the negotiation or whatever else the conversation is about.The Finnish, Australian Aboriginals, and those in many Asian countries are also known for long, silent pauses in their talk and dont see them as a sign that the conversation has broken down. Rather, its not uncommon for people from these countries to think Americans talk too much and dominate conversations. Incidentally, for those of us where nonstop talking is the norm, researchers say it only takes four seconds of silence for things to get awkward.與我們的很多行為一樣，這都是出于人類群體意識的本能反應。據心理學家Namkje Koudenburg研究發現，當交流模式和一般你來我往的情況不同時，我們就開始擔心是不是交流過程中出現了什么問題。我們會思考是不是別人對自己所說的話不感興趣，抑或是自己人微言輕不足以被重視。與之相反，如果交談順利，我們就會找到自身的存在感。即便如此，并不是所有文化都和美國文化中的沉默即尷尬一樣。在日本，交流過程中出現長時間的停頓會被看成是一種尊重，尤其是在思考某些嚴肅問題的情況下。跨文化交際的商人甚至會專門學習這種禮儀。所以在他們看來，日本同事的沉默并不意味著對協議不滿意，這也不會對交流產生任何影響。芬蘭人、澳大利亞土著居民，以及許多亞洲人，他們在交流過程中經常會出現長時間沉默的情況，但那并不意味著話題的結束。這些國家的人也普遍認為美國人在交流過程中非常活躍且一直占據著話語的主動權。順帶一提的是，專家指出對于不喜歡交流過程中出現沉默的人來說，四秒的停頓就足以讓談話變得尷尬了。

審校：喵喵 編輯：listen 來源：前十網

5.Crying5.哭泣Crying seems like an ordinary enough experience and something we dont really think of as strange. Yet if we really stop to contemplate whats happening—salt water dripping out of our eyes during emotional moments—it seems a little bizarre. What do tears, eyes, and emotions have to do with each other?哭泣似乎是一件相當普通的事，我們真的不覺得這會是奇怪的行為。不過讓我們停下來仔細想想——情緒激動的時候就會流淚，這似乎就有點兒奇怪了。那么，眼淚、眼睛以及情緒之間究竟有著怎樣的聯系呢？

One of the prevailing theories to explain human crying is put forth by Dutch psychologist Ad Vingerhoets. He argues that crying is largely a social sign that has its evolutionary roots in distress signals. Most young animals emit some type of distress sound to alert others that they need help. Its thought that crying started as a way for humans to signify their distress (through tears) without making a predator-alerting scream or other noise. Although human babies usually have audible cries, adults often shed tears with little noise. Evolutionarily, this could have been an advantageous response, since another member of the tribe would only need to glance at the crier to see he was in trouble. Interestingly, humans are the only species to emit emotional tears. Most other animals stop making distress calls after reaching adulthood.Further evidence that crying may have originated as a response to danger or trouble is that it also works in conjunction with our sympathetic nervous system (or the fight or flight system). For example, in addition to shedding tears, crying speeds up the heart rate, increases sweating, and slows breathing. Emotional tears even contain a natural painkiller, leucine enkephalin, which could partially explain why we sometimes feel better after a good cry.So, although we can nowadays cry when alone or during harmless, sappy movies, the act may have started as a method of protection.目前較為普遍的理論是荷蘭心理學家艾德·威格爾茲提出的關于哭泣的解釋。他認為哭泣是從求救信號進化而成的社交信號。大多數幼小的動物都會在需要幫助的時候發出某種求救的聲音。而對于人類來說，哭泣最開始只是一種表達痛苦的方式，只是流淚，而非尖叫或發出其他巨大聲響。雖然人類在嬰兒時期都是大聲啼哭，但成年后反而只是低聲抽泣了。從進化論的角度來看，這樣的反應其實更具優勢（因為艾德·威格爾茲認為，大多數動物成長后，將不再需要釋放悲痛的信號，這可能是因為怕引來更大的危險。而比起發出巨大聲響來說，哭泣反而沒有那么危險）。對于親近的人來說，一滴眼淚足以讓他們知道你處于痛苦中。有趣的是，只有人類會因情緒上的原因流淚，也只有人類成年后還會流淚，其他大多數動物成年后就不再發出呼救信號了。進一步的證據表明哭泣可能是源于對危險和困難的反應，并且它還與我們的交感神經系統相關。比方說除了流淚之外，哭泣還會使心率加速、出汗增加以及呼吸減緩。情緒激動時的流淚甚至可以說是亮氨酸腦啡肽——一味天然的止痛藥，這就是為什么有時候我們在哭過后反而感覺更好。這樣看來，雖然我們是因為孤獨或是看了悲情的電影感到難過而哭泣，但這同樣也是一種自我保護的方式。

4.Twitch When Falling Asleep4.熟睡的時候抽搐

As much as 70 percent of people twitch or have an involuntary jerk, or hypnagogic jerk, when falling asleep. Other than amusing awake onlookers, it seems there must be an explanation for a behavior thats apparently so common. Unfortunately, scientists arent entirely sure why we have the spasms, but of course, there are some educated hypotheses.高達70%的人入睡時都會不由自主的抽搐或者痙攣。除了娛樂清醒的旁觀者外，似乎一定有一個原因來解釋為何這一癥狀出現得如此頻繁。不幸的是，現在科學家們尚不能完全確定我們肌肉痙攣的原因。但當然，他們也有一些科學的猜測。Some scientists believe its nothing more than an accidental reaction that happens when our nerves misfire while transitioning from alertness to sleep. This is because our bodies dont have a definitive on/off switch, where on is awake and off is asleep. Instead we gradually transition between the state where our reticular activating system (which governs basic physiological processes) is in full force and when the ventrolateral system (which drives sleepiness and influences sleep cycles) is in charge. We can be in the middle of the two states, such as when feeling sleepy, and there can be a bit of a struggle as we firmly position ourselves into one state or another. This back-and-forth struggle is thought to cause the misfiring, and the twitches are the last fights of wakefulness.In contrast, others believe its an evolutionary response left over from our tree-dwelling days, and the jerks are a primate reflex that keeps us from getting too relaxed and falling from branches. Other types of spasms while sleeping arent quite the same as a hypnagogic jerk. Dreaming of falling, for instance, and then jerking oneself awake is more of an example of dream incorporation where the brain intermixes real life and the dream state.一些科學家認為痙攣只不過是我們的身體在由清醒到熟睡的過渡中，神經元失敗地傳達睡覺信息時做出的偶然反應。這是因為我們的身體并沒有一個明確的開關來控制我們是否清醒還是熟睡。相反，在逐漸完成在網狀激活系統(控制基本生理過程)充分發揮作用時和腹外側的系統(驅動嗜睡和影響睡眠周期)全權負責時的過渡，并且從一種狀態轉換到另一種狀態的過程中，我們的思維一定是掙扎的。而這種反復的掙扎恰好被認為是神經元失敗傳達信息的原因，抽搐也被當做是覺醒前最后的掙扎。相反，另一些科學家認為抽搐是我們從靈長動物時期遺留下的進化反應，并覺得痙攣是靈長動物的反射，這可以避免讓它們因為太放松而從樹上跌落。我們熟睡時的肌肉痙攣與入睡抽動并不是完全一樣。比如，夢見自己往下跌落時，因抽搐而從夢中醒來則是我們的大腦混淆了夢與現實最好例子。

3.Gossiping3.八卦

Women usually get pegged as the biggest gossips out of the two sexes, but men are guilty of this social offense as well. At least one study says men gossip 32 percent more than women per day. No matter which sex has the biggest blabbermouths, hurtful gossip can come back to bite us, yet it seems we cant help ourselves when it comes to dishing a little dirt.女性通常是被認為兩性之間最愛八卦的人，但男性同樣需要對這種社會冒犯承擔責任。至少有一項調查的結果顯示，男性每天比女性多八卦32%。不管哪種性別的人最擅長于嚼舌根，但這些傷人的八卦總能使人傷心。而且，這些八卦對我們自己來說也沒有任何益處。The reason for this is that most of us have an inherent desire to bond with those immediately around us—an urge that can overpower any moral obligations we might feel to mind our own business. We want to form social connections to people in our vicinity, and gossiping not only gives us something to talk about, it immediately creates a sense of trust, since the act of gossiping signals that were letting the other person in our confidence. In turn, the other person shares secrets, and a rapport is established. As we all know, it also gives us a feeling of superiority, is good for a laugh, and spices up boring situations. Curiously, gossiping about peoples successes (if there is such a thing) doesnt have the same effect. Studies show that connecting over shared dislikes creates stronger bonds than discussing shared positives.Although gossiping means were throwing someone else under the bus for the sake of an immediate relationship or gratification, it might not be an entirely bad thing. Anthropologist Robin Dunbar says that gossip partly drove the evolutionary development of our brains. He argues that language first developed out of our desire to share gossip, and it enables us to talk about those who arent present while indirectly teaching others how to properly relate to the group.About 60 percent of conversations between adults are about someone whos not present. Thus, theres no need to be paranoid that your friends are talking about you when youre not around, as its almost certainly a fact.八卦源于我們大多數人都有與周圍的人建立聯系的內在渴望——一種迫使我們去在意有關的自身道德義務的沖動。我們都希望與身邊人建立起良好的社會關系，閑聊不僅能給我們的談話帶來一定的談資，它還能立即創造一種信任感。八卦一旦開始，這就意味著我們之間存在相互的信任。奇怪的是，八卦別人的成功（如果那個人的確成功的話）卻沒有同樣的影響。研究表明，共同討論不喜歡的事物比討論喜歡的事物更容易增進人與人之間的關系。雖然八卦意味著為了促進關系和暫時的快樂而對某個人落井下石，但它也不完全是一件壞事。人類學家羅賓·鄧巴表示，八卦對我們大腦的進化發展起到了一定的促進作用。他提出語言最開始的發展源于人類分享八卦的渴望，這種渴望使我們去八卦那些不在場的人。大約60%的成年人之間的對話是關于某人不在場的八卦。因此，沒有必要偏執的認為你的朋友趁你不在的時候瘋狂的八卦你，這幾乎是一個肯定的事實了。

2.Liking Sad Movies2.喜歡悲情電影

Enough grief, misfortune, and other nonsense happens to us on a daily basis that it seems ridiculous that we would want to spend our entertainment hours subjecting ourselves to more sadness. Despite this, we still regularly find ourselves sitting down to watch a guaranteed tearjerker. While it may seem counterintuitive, one reason for this is that watching tragedies actually makes us feel happier in the short term and therefore boosts our enjoyment of the movie. Researchers at Ohio State University found that watching sad movies causes people to think about their own close relationships, which makes them feel appreciative and satisfied with their lives. Seeing tragedies on the screen causes folks to examine their own lives and count their blessings. However, the researchers point out that this reaction is not the same as those who watch a tragic movie and think something along the lines of, Sheesh, at least I dont have it as bad as that guy. Those viewers have selfish thinking, are more focused on themselves instead of others, and dont experience any boost in happiness after watching the film.在日常生活中，悲傷、失意或一些無厘頭的煩心事時有發生，如果在閑暇之余還要尋求更多傷感就顯得有些可笑了。但人們還是會經常坐下來去看一些保證催人淚下的影視作品。雖然這看起來有點違反直覺，但看悲情電影會使人得到暫時的放松從而更多的去關注電影的劇情。俄亥俄州立大學的研究人員發現，看悲情電影會引人深省，感恩生活，知足常樂。銀屏里上演的悲劇讓人們評估自己的生活狀況，細數人生際遇。然而，研究人員又指出，這種反應并不適用于那些思想狹隘的觀眾，這些人在看到悲慘劇情時總想著：切，反正我又不會那么倒霉。他們總以自我為中心，只關注自己不關心他人，所以看電影對他們來說也不會起到任何怡情作用。Also, according to Dr. Paul Zak, seeing movies or hearing stories about others causes us to feel empathy and prompts our brains to release oxytocin, which increases our feelings of caring. Zak even refers to oxytocin as the moral molecule because of how it makes us more trustworthy, generous, and compassionate. Right after a sad movie and the ensuing rush of oxytocin, we feel more connected to the people around us and overall more satisfied—even if we are shedding some tears. This feeling keeps us coming back for even more depressing flicks.同時，保羅·塞克博士研究發現，看電影或是聽他人的故事會對人起到移情作用，并會促使人體釋放催產素。他還提出催產素作為道德分子，可以提升人的信任感、慷慨度以及同情心。看完悲情電影釋放荷爾蒙之后，人們會感覺與身邊人的關系更近了，自身整體上更滿足了——即使流了一些眼淚。這種感覺也會促使人們看更多的悲情電影。

1.Thinking Silence Is Awkward1.把沉默當做尷尬

Regardless of whether there is anything of value to say, many of us feel a burning desire to fill every silent moment with some type of conversation. Whats so bad about just sitting quietly with someone, and why does prolonged silence make us feel so awkward?大多數人都會急切地用各種話題來填補每一個沉默瞬間，不管這個話題有沒有談論的價值。和某人安靜的坐在一起一言不發到底有什么不好呢？為什么長時間保持沉默會讓人感到尷尬呢？Like many of our behaviors, it all comes down to our primal desire to belong and fit in with the group. According to psychologist Namkje Koudenburg, when the dance of conversation doesnt follow the traditional ebb and flow, we start to worry that something might not be right. We may wonder if were uninteresting or not relevant, which makes us worry about our position in the group. On the other hand, when the dialogue is bouncing back and forth as expected, we feel socially validated.That said, not all cultures experience awkward silence in the same ways as Americans and others. For example, in Japan, a long pause can be a sign of respect, especially when considering a serious question. Cross-culture businesspeople are even trained on this etiquette, so they dont assume a silent Japanese colleague is unsatisfied with the negotiation or whatever else the conversation is about.The Finnish, Australian Aboriginals, and those in many Asian countries are also known for long, silent pauses in their talk and dont see them as a sign that the conversation has broken down. Rather, its not uncommon for people from these countries to think Americans talk too much and dominate conversations. Incidentally, for those of us where nonstop talking is the norm, researchers say it only takes four seconds of silence for things to get awkward.與我們的很多行為一樣，這都是出于人類群體意識的本能反應。據心理學家Namkje Koudenburg研究發現，當交流模式和一般你來我往的情況不同時，我們就開始擔心是不是交流過程中出現了什么問題。我們會思考是不是別人對自己所說的話不感興趣，抑或是自己人微言輕不足以被重視。與之相反，如果交談順利，我們就會找到自身的存在感。即便如此，并不是所有文化都和美國文化中的沉默即尷尬一樣。在日本，交流過程中出現長時間的停頓會被看成是一種尊重，尤其是在思考某些嚴肅問題的情況下。跨文化交際的商人甚至會專門學習這種禮儀。所以在他們看來，日本同事的沉默并不意味著對協議不滿意，這也不會對交流產生任何影響。芬蘭人、澳大利亞土著居民，以及許多亞洲人，他們在交流過程中經常會出現長時間沉默的情況，但那并不意味著話題的結束。這些國家的人也普遍認為美國人在交流過程中非常活躍且一直占據著話語的主動權。順帶一提的是，專家指出對于不喜歡交流過程中出現沉默的人來說，四秒的停頓就足以讓談話變得尷尬了。

審校：喵喵 編輯：listen 來源：前十網